Things I realised tonight

German beer halls suck.

German food in german beer halls is way too expensive and even the fish tastes like greasy pork.

German beer, although impressive in stature in its half litre and litre mugs, is not much chop as far as beer goes.

Oompah Loompah bands are way too loud and simply headache inspiring.

I don't regret going along tonight, because it was for the best of reasons. My friend is sick. She is very sick, and has to have surgery that is risky and scary. If we stopped and thought about it, I think we would all find ourselves frozen to the spot, simply unable to comprehend how awful this is. Instead, a big group of us went out and ate and drank and made merry, celebrating our friend this week, and not thinking about the reality of next week.

Considering her reality, any of my feelings about my life seem petty. But the reality is that good people go through awful things all the time. It isn't fair. It is sad. But it is.

So how petty am I when I admit that after a night out with friends, friends who are kind and generous, I left the pub where we ended up, and walked down the street, controlling the almost, but not quite, irresistable urge to burst into tears. Not for any concern for my friend, who had left earlier in the evening, but because the loneliness seemed so overwhelming. The loneliness feels like a heavy smooth cold stone in my stomach.

Pathetic.